Interview with Dr. Stephen Bristol OB/GYN

What follows was to appear in the Orange County Register's 'People' section. It was never published.

JG: Hello, Stephen. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule for this interview.

SB: It's nothing really. I'm actually on a bit of a sabbatical right now.

JG: Really? I recall an article I read in Contemporary OB/GYN Magazine, in which you stated that you hated being away from work for more than a weekend...

SB: Yeah. That was the March 2007 issue, right?

JG: Yes it was.

SB: I'm taking some time off to reflect on where I'll be taking my practice in the future. This is difficult to do when I'm working so much.

JG: Of course. Are you thinking of expanding your practice?

SB: Well... no. This is more of a spiritual sabbatical. I'm taking some time to re-assess myself, and examine if I really want to continue working in the field.

JG: You'll understand my surprise hearing this from man who is so preeminent in his field?

SB: Again, it's just a period of reflection.

JG: That's funny, you usually reflect on periods... but now you're taking a period to reflect, heh?

SB: The issues I'm dealing with are very serious... so I hope you'll understand that I don't find that funny.

JG: Duly noted. You were educated at the University of California at Irvine School of Medicine, correct?

SB: That is correct. It is a wonderful school, and program. The faculty at the time was brilliant. There is no end to the good things I have to say about my education there.

JG: So my next question is... Why OB/GYN? Did you know at an early age that this was an area you hoped to enter?

SB: Well, I knew from an early age that I wanted to be involved in medicine in some capacity. I think I made the decision to go into OB/GYN just after my first semester in college.

JG: According to reports from some of your old school chums you were a bit of a jokester in those days. A "true rascal" as one of them said.

SB: Sure, I guess. We had fun back then. We spent alot of time in Newport Beach, and there was alot of partying going on all the time. It was good fun.

JG: What was it that year that influenced your decision to go into Gynecology?

SB: Well, Johnny, herein lies the rub. You see I was a bit of a jokester back then, as were my friends. We were always trying to one up each other. It got pretty out of hand at times.

JG: You cad! So you're thinking of leaving the practice for a life of partying? Yuck it up like the old college days? Bally-hooo, heh!

SB: No. That is not the reason. Not at all.

There was an awkward silence, in which Dr. Bristol stared at me with what I can descibe only as pure hatred.

JG: Where were we? Ah, yes. So what was it that lead you to your decision to go into Gynecology?

SB: Like we discussed, I was a jokester and all that... fun loving guy. Well... as far as I can remember... I guess I was immature at the time... I just thought it was really funny to say that I was going to become a Gynecologist.

JG: I'm sorry, did I hear you say that Gynecology is funny?

SB: No, no, no. I was in college, Johnny! You know how college kids are. One night a cute asian girl asked me what my major was... I was seriously wasted... and I was just like 'I'm going to be a P*@&y doctor.'

JG: Oh my--

SB: I know, I know. It snowballed from there. One of my friends overheard my saying it, and for the rest of the night he wouldn't stop telling people 'That's Steve, he's going to be a p*&$y doctor.' And I'll admit, at the time I thought it was fricken hilarious. It just stuck. It made me interesting -- and funny. That's a killer combo, you know? Girls actually liked me for it. They thought I was sensitive. I made up a whole back story about how my mother had an irregularly shaped uterus and that her OB/GYN was the reason that I was alive.

JG: So you did it all for the chicks? So that your friends would think you are funny? That is insane!

SB: Yeah, when I think about it now it, is.

JG: Well, I understand your taking of sabbatical now. Do you feel that your practice will suffer when this knowledge is made public? How will your patients react?

SB: I'm pretty sure this is going to destroy my practice. Do you think you could maybe just forget this whole thing? I'd like to leave my options open.

JG: You are quite a piece of work, Dr. Bristol.

SB: What! I said that I feel bad about all this! Do you now how gross my job is? I've got intimacy issues now! And I've got my employees to think about and there's the mortgage and the car-payments and so many bills. This is really a horrible time for me.

JG: I'm sure it is.

SB: Everything just got out of control.

JG: Why did this not occur to you in the eight years that you were studying?

SB: Jesus! Haven't you been listening? I thought it was funny! My friends thought it was funny! We were assholes okay! Fuck!

And with that, Dr. Bristol abruptly stood up and walked off, ending the interview. He has since, left his practice. He is now living in Bucharest, Romania on a work Visa where he is employed as a bartender at Club Maxx.